the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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