So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
