do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
