You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
