I'm going to jail i love you
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
