My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
