when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
