The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
