So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
