My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
