ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
