i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
