super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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