he thought i was a dude.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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