dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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