Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
