how can u be prego again
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
