It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
