So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
