Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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