sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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