yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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