I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm really busy with my period
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