Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
