Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
