You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
