I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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