that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
