dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just tell him i said nine months
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
