i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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