all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
