I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
