my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My vagina is very pro this idea
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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