I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
