that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
