I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
