my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
