GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
