I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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