and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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