i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
