im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
