just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
