I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
