i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
