dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How does it feel to date your dad?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
