isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
