Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
