Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
