i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
